Ini lah. Teda kerja. I replied everybody ody. Sakit jari. Aiih.

It's precisely 12 a.m.

Goodbye 17. Hello 18.

Vice versa.

You know when I said you don't know me?

Well, it goes vice versa.

Since I don't know you too.

Aiish, if only you're fluent in English so that I can tell you all this.

Saying all this in Malay is just too awkward for me.

one thing remains unchanged.

Stop trying to make me feel guilty!!

ko sakit apa sebenarnya?

o.O

BIATCH

 Ok.

Um...can you, like, stop sending me these sms-es telling me that you miss me

and that you need me

because, frankly, dude.

You don't even know me.

You don't love me.

I only remind you of her (bless the poor soul).

And my answer to you would be what I answered to you earlier.

It ain't changing.

It breaks you heart?

So, you think my heart was never broken before?

Pish. Get a grip.

Be a man.

Move on.

Bitchy? haha. Like I care.

It's my blog.

Let me write what I want to write.

ugh.

Annoying.

NO BHAAA.

I'm not that mean. wakakakakaka.

I'll still say no, though.

There is no way I can be with you.

Sorry. :(

Boogieman Sonnet

Shall I compare you to a rainy and windy night

You are more cold and menacing

Rough winds shaking and rattling my windowpanes

And branches look like fingers, startling

But you, you make my skin crawl

My hands had never felt so cold before

Everything turned upside down, I fall

And landed bottom first, on the floor

Every night I tremble

Hoping you wouldn't appear before me

When I open my eyes, I prayed, do not snap oh cable

So that eternal darkness will not engulf me

            Because I am terrified of you, being so near

            Boogieman living under my bed, my greatest fear.

Hahahahah! Remember this, anyone?

It was our homework from Teacher Siska.

We had to write a sonnet, just like Shakespeare's Sonnet 18.

And while everyone else wrote about love, I wrote about this non-existent boogieman who does not live under my bed.

Basically, I just turned the whole sonnet upside down.

Easy.

No need to waste time thinking about love and what rhymes with it.

And whom I was in love with. Because there was none. XD

Well, it doesn't really qualify as a real sonnet, though.

The number of words are inconsistent.

And there are grammar mistakes, if you look at it.

Yesh, this is the original version. The one I send to teacher.

Malas sa mau buat adjustments. I don't wanna ruin it. wakakakak!

Aiih. Brings back memories, doesn't it? 

:)

Can you feel this chemistry?

Haihh.

So, Vivian's at West Malaysia.

And she'll be there for 4 to 5 years.

I told Lysandra about this yesterday.

And she said, "So I'm not gonna see her when I get back? Isn't that crappy."

Typical Pisang. hahahaha.

Come back soon.

I miss you. 

I know I said this so many times. 

And I'm gonna say it for I dunno how many times more.

wakakakaka.

Someone was so nice to me yesterday.

So nice.

Sampai sa freaked out.

Adeh.

I have no idea how to tell him to stop.

:(

How far do i have to go to get to you?

 Many the Miles-Sara Bareilles

There's too many things that i haven't done yet

Too many sunsets

I haven't seen

You can't waste the day wishing it'd slow down

You would've thought by now

I'd have learned something

I made up my mind when i was a young girl

I've been given this one world

I won't worry it away

But now and again i lose sight of the good life

I get stuck in a low light

But then Love comes in

How far do i have to go to get to you

Many the miles

Many the miles

How far do i have to go to get to you

Many the miles

But send me the miles and I'll be happy to follow you Love

I do what i can wherever i end up

To keep giving my good love

And spreading it around

Cause i've had my fair share of take care and goodbyes

I've learned how to cry

And i'm better for that

Sing how far do i have to go to get to you

Many the miles

Many the miles

How far do i have to go to get to you

Many the miles

Send me the miles and i'll be happy to

Follow you Love

Red letter day and i'm in a blue mood

Wishing that blue would just carry me away

I've been talking to God don't know

If it's helping or not

But surely something has got to got to got to give

Cause i can't keep waiting to live

How far do i have to go to get to you

Many the miles

Many the miles

How far do i have to go to get to you

Many the miles

But send me the miles and i'll be happy to yeah

How far do i have to go to get to you

Many the miles

Many the miles

How far do i have to go to get to you

Many the miles

Many the miles

Been talking to God don't know if it's helping or not

Many the miles

Many the miles

How far do i have to go to get to you

Many the miles

Many the miles

Oh send me the miles and i'll be happy to

Follow you Love

There's too many things i haven't done yet

Too many sunsets i haven't seen

 Naaa. Nampak tu? 

hahaha.

If I have real wings, I would fly to you.
Atau.....ko belikan sa tiket kapal terbang. And I'd be happy to follow you, love. XD

I know this has to happen. Someday.

Lagipun, sa juga yang mati-mati suruh ko blajar kan?

hahahaha!

Naah. I won't forget you. And nobody in this world can replace you. ^^

Nanti I bring you and the rest of the gang, to that new house in Bandar Sierra. 

hahaha. Mau buat sleepover sana?

XD

We can even bring tents, if you have them. And camp nearby. Got place oh. wakakakak.

But for now, we have to separate. 

Tiapa lah.

Like the English saying goes.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. XD

Study dulu. Fill our head with knowledge.

And, take care of yourself there ah?

Don't go clubbing unless you got someone that you can trust go with you.

:(

I would have taken care of you. If I'm there. But I'm not gonna be there...

Don't forget to keep in touch.

Do you want me to sms every morning? Like I used to do?

Ahahahaha.

At the time, my credit was more than RM30. 

But now, haiyah. 

That new number cepat makan duit oh. Need to change the plan.

Listen to that song. Let it remind you of me, ya? XD

Like fara says it, end of crap. :P

I was your silver lining, But now I'm gold.

You'll go to KL tomorrow~

You'll meet new people.

Make new friends.

Bila la ko akan pulang balik Sabah?

I feel left out. Again.

T.T

I want to wish you all the best. 

I want to send you with a smile.

And a hope that someday, we'll be together again. :)

but i'm selfish. and i don't want to wish all that.

i don't want you to go....

not at all.

4 years of friendship.

I don't want it to end!

DON'T GO BHAAAAAAAA.

DON'T GO!!!

WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME?!!!

UHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHU~

I'M GONNA CRY MY EYES OUT TONIGHT.

is it too late to kidnap you? 

Whoops~

He asked.

That night.

He asked!

Ahahahahahah!

My dad bhaaaa. He saw me and Vivian walking.

And behind us there was this tall, lanky guy, following.

Wakakakaka

Just kidding ah, you.
No offense meant.

XD

But, yeah. He asked.

Daddy    Me

Sepa tu?

*Plays innocent* Sepa apa?

Tu. Tadi yang ikut-ikut kamu.

*Still playing innocent*  Mana?

Tadi, di CP. Sepa tu lelaki yang ikut-ikut kamu?

*Eyes open wide in fake realisation* OH! Itu....kawan.

Kawan....sepa?

 Kawan la. Si (insert name here) baitu. Yang sa bagitau daddy tu ari.

Hmm....Vivian kenal dia?

KENAL. Vivian pun kenal dia.

 And then he dropped the whole matter.

Fuuuuuuhhhh~

Nasib baik kita bertiga saling mengenali, kan?

Wakakakakakakakakakakaka!

So funny. XD

Thank you~

You cheered me up today.

Glad we had that outing. 

^^

Once again, thank you very much!

When it all comes down....

Today was....nice?

Ahahaha. 

We went to see that new house in Bandar Sierra. Yeap. 

It's now officially our house.

And my parents were so psyched about that house, that they forgot about lil' ol' me, who has appointment with her friends at CP.

And they got mad after remembering. 

They even asked me to cancel it!

But how can I? I mean, he's there already! Waiting for us to turn up!

Can't they try and understand that I need friends?

I am not my mum.

I am me.

I can be solitary at times. 

But I still need my friends.

No matter what.

I need them.

I feel like blaming her. But I know it's not entirely her fault as well.

I'm sure my dad understands. Since he has friends.

But he's so busy trying to make money, that he forgets to reason with me.

After all that.....I feel really deflated. 

I feel really bad. 

I feel that I am responsible for all their miseries.

I feel so useless.

I feel like trash.

Something only worth throwing away.

But...in the end, they send me to CP. My mother la.

Itupun lepas 1 jam lewat.

And she made me promise that this is the last time I go out with friends.

Next time I want to go out, she can friend me. 

I don't have to trouble my friends by asking them out anymore.

She'll bring me.

Well, then.

Will she bring me go bowling or play pool?

Will she bring me to the arcades?

Will she be able to give me the company that I crave from my friends?

I doubt that very much.

But I'll keep my mouth shut.

Since I am still living under their care.

And I still rely on them.

After that....I don't know what will I do.

They are making me hate being here.

I am trying to compromise.

For now, I'll do as they say.

At least, until I can take care of myself.

I've changed. Sooner or later, they have to accept that.

But I'll keep quiet for now.

And when your plans unravel in the sand, what would you wish for? If you had one chance.

2nd post for today.

Man, I just feel so.....stupid.

And angry.

And sad.

And something like vengeance.

Ugh.

What's wrong with me lately?

I nowadays have very short fuse. 

No tendency to compromise.

Little patience for anything and everything.

Gawd. Sometimes I wish I am someone else. Anybody else. Just not me.

I hate feeling this way. But I am feeling this way.

What do I do...?

Intuition.

I have a feeling.

That tomorrow is NOT gonna be a good day.

Ugh.

Should we postpone it? 

Aiyah. But after this, you'll be busy, won't you?

With school and stuff.

Heck, I don't even know if you will read this post.

Oh, whatever.

KPLSPM interview - Wednesday - 12 mAy 2010

Woke up that fateful Wednesday...groggily.

I didn't get a good night sleep, you see.

Ugh. Woken up by two different alarm clocks in the middle of the night. It's no wonder I got a bit mamai2.

I thought it's gonna be similar to the last interview. But noooo....it had to be different.

Next time, remind me not to expect anything from life anymore. 

So, I wore the baju kurung we bought (meaning, my mom and I).

Combed my hair, nicely.

Put on a lil make-up (not much, just some powder and lip-gloss)

Wore the shoes I bought for my convo (but didn't actually managed to wear it at the convo, good thing I bought it anyway).

Ate breakfast, brush teeth, check whether all my certs are in place.

And off~ I go. 

To my doom, or so I thought at the time.

I was still a bit blur when I arrived. And bad-tempered.

I got mad at my mum for no reason (really, no reason).

Now, how can a person be clueless and angry at the same time, beats me. But I did it. 

Somehow.

I was a bit late for the interview, actually. The candidates were supposed to arrive at 7.30am.

I arrived at 7.45am. Punya cantik my time management.

 harharhar.

No matter. 

The interview started late anyway (apa punya bakal cikgu ni...)

Before going inside the room for the first part of the interview, we were asked to group our certificates

into the photocopies and the original.

So that it's easier for the interviewers to see.

It took me quite a while to do this, because I already arranged everything nicely inside my folders.

I was feeling something like spite at the time.

Kurang asam, next time, tell us earlier. Like that.

Adeh, since when am I so easily provoked?

haiih~

So, I took my time (kinda) to get out all my certs and arranging them the way they wanted.

And the interviewer looked at me and said, "Cepat sikit eh. Camna mau jadi cikgu ni?"

Alamak. 

So, decided to not give a damn, I just took out everything from my file, and gave it to him.

hahaha. Yeah. Real smart move, Linnet.

I forgot to give him my IC and photo.

>.<

After that.....the first part of the interview started. Which is the INSAK thing.

I must say, if you have brains, then you can answer the questions.

It's that easy.

While we were doing the INSAK, someone came. 

One of us, it seems.

But she was late.
So she had to wait until the next test. Which is at 11 o' clock.



After the INSAK, we went out of the interview room.

And the girl that was late was outside.

She was very friendly, that girl.
She said hello. And suddenly launched into the story of why she was super late.

Ahaha. After that, we warmed up to each other in no time.

There were five of us.

Farhana, Dayang, Ainneth (I think), Elizabeth (the latecomer) and me.

Yes, we were all girls. Which was a relief. Since after that we had a group interview.

We were given a statement.

Excellent teachers produce excellent students.


We were asked about who our favourite teachers are, and how they helped us in our studies.

We were given three minutes to think and collect ideas. And thirty minutes to talk about it.

Fulamak!




But lively Elizabeth started the discussion for us. ^^
Then.....we actually had fun.
Discussing about the topic in English.
It reminds me of debate team (Mohana especially).


They all have good English. Despite the fact that I am the only one from KK.
I'm so proud of my Sabahan friends.

wakakaka!

XD


So, we talked and talked. And we didn't even realized the 30 minutes are up.
It seemed like only 5 minutes.
Haih, fun things always end faster.


Then, we were asked once more to go outside and wait for the individual interview.
Which is the third and last part of the interview.
We waited for quite a while, since the interviewers (there were two of them)
pergi makan.



We were quite tempted to go along, actually. wakakaka!
But nah. Some of us were too jittery to eat.
So we end up talking some more. But this time, we use both English and BM.



We talked and laughed. And I was thinking, if we are all chosen and we get the same institute to study,
it would be fun to have them as my companions.

Not that I'll forget about my friends here. And in Labuan. And soon-to-be in Sarawak. And everywhere else.

Nah, I won't forget you guys. You changed my life, how can I?

XD


Well, the third part of the interview was not as nerve-wrecking as the other one was.
The interviewers were males. So.....they were generally....calmer.
I hope I didn't say anything bad.
I think I really want this.


But going to Penang is awesome too....
Think of all the food there!
xd



Haiyah.
Dilemma, dilemma.

Lazynesssssssss

Unemployed

And lazy.

That's me, kids.

Yeap. Wanna update. I got a story to tell.

ehehehe~

But currently feeling like laying down on my bed and enter Dreamland.

So......maybe tomorrow?

XD

bittersweet goodbye.

Hmm.....it took me more than a year and Oprah to realize this.

But,

Sms is never enough

Chatting on Facebook/MSN/YM is never enough.

Neither is me telling you here on this crappy blog of mine, or you reading it from this crappy blog of mine.

I want to hear your voice

I want to talk to you face to face

I want to hear you talking to me

I want to laugh together with you

I want to be with you.

Just be beside you.

Suddenly I feel like I want time to stop.

Wish time could rewind, back to when we were all together again.

Miss y'all like crazy.

:')

(feeling a lil' bittersweet right now. this is to all of my friends. tiada yang terkecuali. :D)

O my gosh. I feel so

empty.

Sabbath Day

Woke up super early.

By super early, I meant, at 2.30 in the morning.

The first thing(more like who, actually) I remembered was fara.

Sooo.....I went online. Yup..

After texting her to see if she's still up la.

hehehe

I don't wanna go online in vain.

I crept downstairs. Acting like a thieve in my own house.

And ever so quietly, I turned on my daddy's laptop.

Since mine is still broken. (I need to get that fixed a.s.a.p.)

Then, I went on facebook.

Cause this particular laptop doesn't have msn. The only way I can chat with friends is through facebook.

How sad.

Don't ask me about YM. I barely know how to sign in that thing.

Yeah. I chatted with fara. hehehe. Dah lama kita x chat panjang2 kan? Rindu pula sa.

And Mr. Doraemon was online too. Haha.

He too chatted with me.

Saaaaampai pukul 4.30 pagi sa online tadi pagi. No family members behind my back, asking me who I'm chatting with. Ahhhh.....bliss.

I know, I know. It's not healthy. And I'm wasting electricity.

But nowadays, I can barely go online without someone breathing down my neck.

I crave the privacy.

Maybe I should cut down my electricity use during the day. hahaha.

Tak payah guna kipas. Kipas tangan pun cukup la. Saya bersauna dalam rumah. Bule bha tu.

XD

Dan saya tidak tengok tv sudah. So....no problem there.

 ............

Yup. I think I can live without electricity during the day.

Then, I sleep early at night. Wake up in the wee hours of morning to go online. 

Hmm....need to make a timetable.

wakakakaka!

Hey, I'm actually serious about this plan.

Owh. Today's Mother's Day.

My daddy so kedekut, he only bought a rose for my mum. (Oh well, I guess it's the thought that counts)

Haiih, I feel so helpless. I couldn't do anything for my mum.

Ooh! Ooh! I saw that cute little altarboy today! Kyaaaaah~

hehehehe. He made me smile. So cuuuuute~

(He's only about 10 years old? I think. The youngest altarboy I've seen in Stella Maris)

Fast forward.

After Mass, we went to Citymall.

There's a shop there. It's called Polysound.

Lotsa people were there, searching for.....I dunno, korean CDs?

That includes my sister.

My mum and I, we were standing in front of the counter, a few distance away, when something made a loud flop sound. 

Something rectangular-ish and flat was lying on the floor in front of the counter. 

Nobody seems to realize though. Pelik.

Then I went to pick it up, and guess what?

THE FRONT COVER WAS SHINEE!

Whoa. 

There was my pumpkin staring at me on the front cover! 

And the thing costs RM 47.50.

What the....

And my sis was saying, "Hey, dia mau ko beli dia bha tu." Smirking. At me.

kurang asam ko, dik....DON'T TAUNT ME!

Aiiissshhhhhhhh. 

If only I brought my money with me....

I wouldn't be suffering now.

DX

hmm...I sound so selfish in this post, kan?

Hmm....I never really thought about how public my blog could be.

ahahahahahha.

Sot kan?

But, thanks for reading, anyway.

I appreciate it.

XD

I see you comb your hair

And give me that grin

It's making me spin now

Spinning within

Before I melt like snow

I say, 'Hello'

How do you do?

hahahaha! I like this song! Well....the trance version of it.

The original was kinda ok. It's by Roxette.

Cascada's cover of it was ok too.

But I can't stop listening to the trance version.

It really got me in a trance.

XD

Actually, I have no idea what trance is, or even if there IS a trance type of songs out there.

But judging from most of the trance songs I've heard....these must be the type that people use in raves.

Ahahaha.

Malaysian people got raves ka?

Or do we call it clubbing?

O.O

(I'm a Malaysian. And I don't have a clue. Apa punya Malaysian ni...)

Caged Linnet

Cooped up in a cage
I have no idea what is waiting for me out there
I also have no idea whether it is good or bad
Since I rarely leave this cage of mine
It's a bit uncomfortable in here.
Since I kept growing, but the size of the cage stays the same.

Sometimes I feel like I'm about to burst.
Most of the time, my wings were clipped.
Just to fit me inside. Keep me from flying away.




Some random drabble from me. It's in the form of metaphors (I think). So....try to understand, yah?
If you don't understand....well, think of it as a light reading. xD

Good and Bad.

I had a bizarre day today.

I was looking forward to seeing Fara, D, Grazele, and Vivian.

But Fara cancelled last night.

And D cancelled this morning. 

I feel like....ok. Maybe next time, before we all go to separate UiTM campuses.

Then....Grazele cancelled.

Then I felt..... Is it just me....or is this a hint for me to not go out??

But in the end....Vivian is still going.

Takkan la sa kasi biar Vivian sorang-sorang kan? hehehe.

So I went. XD

So, it was just the two of us. 'Dating'. hahaha

And we ate and talked and walked and sat.

Ooh! I bought contact lenses! hihihihi

My parents doesn't know.

:)

And we met Angelica! And Debra! And Ann! And Azielleo (is that how you spell his name?)....

oohhohohohoho.

We also saw Nini's bro. hehehe.

And the handsome guy who is Vivian's brother's friend.

Uhh......what's his name ody? Kyle?

Wow. It's really amazing how many people you can meet in CP in just a few hours.

I think we talked for hours. Well....it's more like I talked, and Vivian listened. And occasionally laughed or say some comments.

Then....it was time to go home.

Fast forward.

I went on FB. Adui.

Puki...maaaaaa.

He got FB.

HE GOT FB!

Omygosh. You.

Stop haunting me. Stop haunting me!

You know how much I cried for you? You know how crushed I was when you told me that?!

NO. YOU. DON'T.

I seriously thought not going to matriks is the best way to avoid you.

But now you got FB?!

And the worst thing is....I can't ignore you!

No matter how much I want to.

I can't!

Kima kau. Pukima.

Yes, I have mood swings. Deal with it.

Wanna know how my brain thinks?

Devilish   Angelic

I want to go party! I want to be wild! I want to be a daredevil!! I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE!

What about my parents? They raised me up, they fed me, they gave me roof over my head. Is this how I repay them??

They are so overprotective! They never trust me. They don't let me do anything. It's their fault I am so shy and conservative and naive!

It's the way they think best for me to live. Away from all the bad stuff. Do I want to live without parents? I am lucky to have parents.

I want to make my own choices! I can't live like this forever! I have to go to the outside world soon. Because of them, I'm having trouble adjusting with the people around me! They all seem so grown-up and knowledgeable compared to me! I'm still a baby!

Do I want to get involved in things that I don't know how to handle? What if I get involved in drugs? Sex? What if I meet and befriend the worse type of people?? Where's my sense of responsibility? I cannot just throw it all away for my pleasure's sake.

This is why I am so blur most of the time. This is why I am quiet most if the time.

This is why I look so miserable most of the time. This is why I am depressed most of the time.

 

I have two sides to be. I can pick whichever side I want to.

I have the choice to follow my desires or my rationality.

I used to put my desires aside. For years now.

But I can't do that forever. 

My heart's voices are growing louder and louder by the second.

Someone help me....

   

English

I noticed that my English is deteriorating.

I often use bahasa rojak now.

And just like the real rojak, (you know, the one sold for people to eat, yeah, that one.)

it's very.....nice.

Ahahahaha!

I was chosen to go to interview for KPLSPM. 

For those of you who don't know what's that, it's what you apply to enroll in Maktab Perguruan all over the country.

Yep. Another interview. And it seems that this will be harder than the last one.

I have to be super brave.

Well, not exactly. Ahaha. I just have to be braver than I already am. Since I am currently a coward.

Oh wait. Yeah, I do have to be super brave...

And I also got accepted to UiTM. Study Civil Engineering at Penang.

I have to decide which to pick by next week. Aiyah.

Why bha my life so difficult?

And the worse part is, none of it is what I really want to do!!

Maybe 2010 will be a bad year for me....

Good girl gone bad. Like, oh yeah! ahahahah~

I........have changed.

To my parents, for the worst.

To other people, less naive.

To me, new world.

Ahahahaha.

Yeah. Aunty Nana was right. I am a baby still.

There's so many things that I didn't know, that I now know.

All thanks to my office. (Or ex-office, ahaha)

I wish I'm not so naive.

But I also wish that I don't know some things.

yea...haiyah.

I wonder if that person read this blog oh. Do you?

but then again, there's no way to tell which of you i'm directing this to.

Hahahhaa.

I hate you.

I hate the fact that I'm attracted to you.

I hate the fact that you remind me so much of the one person who utterly shattered my confidence.

And I also hate the fact that you....are the one who made me feel better when I'm angry about the person you remind me of.

confusing kan? hahaha.

I don't want to feel this way.

Not at all.

I hope this is just a temporary thing.

I don't want it to last.

For I know, I'll only get my heart broken once again.

 OK. Enough about that.

Let's talk more about me~

bwahahaha. I sound so vain.

So.....for two nights in a row, I went out at night.

HAHAHA. HEY JERK! Remember I used to say I cannot go out at night?!

Now I can ordy looo!

Just not with you!

Bwahahahahahahahhahahahaha~

Yea. The first night, which was Friday night, we went karaoke at Cempaka Square.

hahaha, my first time karaoke-ing with 'friends'.

what i meant was, no family members.

Some of the guys brought whisky. Yerr....kamurang ahh....betul2 la.

 Kong! Kau pun satu!

Buduh. Sudah la underage. I know la bha you terer drinking.

But you still got drunk oso that.

Baru jam 11 camtu, sdh ko drunk?

Cepat juga. 

-.-

And then today. Actually, yesterday. Since it's past twelve.

Went to Shamrock at waterfront.

hmm...it's a bar.

And it's full of foreigners. WHY??

hahahha.

Then....we saw Gwen...!!

WAH!

Aiyoh. I'm so lazy to tell what happened next. I can barely remember anymore.

haiih.